13.1k
u/BeatnikBun Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
I'm gonna guess that she's happily startled because, for example, mine hit his weed pen outside every 15 minutes and fell asleep on the couch and never once came near me. I think that my experience (or smth similar) is pretty common.
Edit: Hi, I'm an actually human person and was the first to comment on this. I'm not trying to start a damn war of the roses, and apparently this is NOT the correct answer (see the next comment below mine). Just popped in with my stupid, obviously incorrect thought about what this could mean. So chill with calling me a stupid whore.
5.3k
u/Upstairs-Hedgehog575 Apr 24 '26
Is it? That sounds horrendous.
5.0k
u/tiorzol Apr 24 '26
Nah it's not. I can see how someone would want to normalise such a shitty event to deal with it but the fathers I know and myself have been much much more involved and supportive than our fathers were
2.0k
u/Square-Singer Apr 24 '26
This. Everyone sees themselves as the standard, the "normal". Even if they are far, far away from "normal".
948
u/Vel_Cosby Apr 24 '26
Yup, if they married and had a child with a man like this, you can't really expect the people they surround themselves with to be vastly different. So they'd think it's normal to be like this.
621
u/Square-Singer Apr 24 '26
The self-formed bubble is such a common perception-distorting issue. It's the same with "Why aren't there any good guys, all the guys I date are assholes." or "Why aren't there any good women? All the women I date just want my money.".
Well, if you keep dating a specific type of person, you will end up dating that specifict type of person.
→ More replies (29)170
u/BootlegEngineer Apr 24 '26
I heard or read somewhere a long time ago that you are a sum of the 6 closest people to you.
198
→ More replies (48)68
u/AENocturne Apr 24 '26
You're close to 6 people? I'm still trying to figure out if I trust one.
→ More replies (7)462
u/nishagunazad Apr 24 '26
Its a lot easier to say "men are just like that" than to admit "my man just kinda sucks"
114
u/Own_Bonus2482 Apr 24 '26
Right. My ex was 17 when our daughter was born. My family thought he was a loser (we were alt/punk kids) but he was amazing during my pregnancy, the birth, and has always been an incredible devoted father. Better than a lot of men twice his age tbh
→ More replies (8)54
→ More replies (27)71
367
u/Ok_Boysenberry5849 Apr 24 '26
It goes both ways. If you live in a happy family you don't understand how bad it can get, and how frequently it is bad.
→ More replies (5)64
u/PMmecrossstitch Apr 24 '26
Exactly. The rationale can be applied both ways.
It's her lived experience against his.
73
u/wookieesgonnawook Apr 24 '26
Statistics also show that millennial dads are more involved than previous generations. It's not just one experience vs another.
→ More replies (5)27
u/Background-Edge-2243 Apr 24 '26
I think this is directly related to how millenials were patented, and also the fact that most millenials view having children as an active choice they made rather than a standard milestone of life and marriage. I personally don't want kids, but I love seeing involved dads.
→ More replies (1)35
u/PalePlumm Apr 24 '26
The labour and delivery nurses are who get to be the real judges here.
→ More replies (1)96
u/Fear_Jaire Apr 24 '26
Pr9bably the best judges but don't tell my parents that lol. Nurses can project how they want to be treated onto other couples. My mom was very much "get this thing out of me and take the baby" but the nurses boxed my dad out and kept trying to force my mom to take it. They'd tell you my dad was being pushy despite him trying to do exactly what my mom said she needed him to do. Not everyone wants the same kind of support and nurses can be super judgemental.
→ More replies (14)→ More replies (16)36
u/GranPino Apr 24 '26
This is the key, they surrounded themselves with similar people
→ More replies (1)48
u/PMmecrossstitch Apr 24 '26
Right, but that rationale can also apply to the man you replied to. He and his friends are good husbands and fathers, so he thinks there aren't that many crummy guys out there.
→ More replies (5)15
40
u/Doubtindoh Apr 24 '26
Here we are discussing a commenter making a standard out of their own experience when in reality they said "I guess it's pretty common".
→ More replies (4)22
→ More replies (24)17
147
u/Djaaf Apr 24 '26
Joke's on you : my father was so involved that he fainted in the delivery room, hit his head on the chair he had been waiting on and was evacuated by a nurse directly to neurology while my mom had her baby.
So... he wasn't really that supportive at that point, but he stayed the night at the hospital, at least.
→ More replies (15)93
u/Ethernum Apr 24 '26
Hey, your dad gave his best. Birth is a monumental task and as a father you feel like a helpless bystander that is watching his wife perform a fucking miracle while screaming in pain or begging for help while all you can do is hold her hand and tell her she's doing great while there's excrement and blood involved.
Your dad is LEAGUES ahead of a guy that just leaves to smoke weed and fall asleep.
→ More replies (5)40
u/themostreasonableman Apr 24 '26
You just described the birth of my first child in perfect detail. I was NOT ready for that much poop and trauma. All I can remember is poop and trauma. I thought my wife was going to die, then I thought our unborn child was going to die, then they put us all to sleep for a rest (even me!), only to wake up and get right back to the poop and trauma.
I absolutely can not believe that we went and did it a second time. I am now proudly desexed.
→ More replies (32)93
u/Zealousideal_Ad9671 Apr 24 '26
big facts. i was there for every second doing all i could do to support. held hands until she crushed mine. water and cold compresses. helped her into new birthing positions. mirrored breathing. took photos whenever appropriate… and THEEN i hit the weed pen. after the dude showed up
→ More replies (21)83
u/Beautiful-Swimmer339 Apr 24 '26
Yep
The Nurses who do births in my country have been quite positive about millenial fathers and in particular the ethnically Swedish millenial fathers.
Same thing in the local parks where i live its about 50/50 and during some periods majority fathers with their kids in the park.
54
u/tiorzol Apr 24 '26
One of the greatest pleasures in my life is taking my boy to the park. That level of joy in mere existence is something we get so far away from in adult life
→ More replies (6)27
u/harv3ydg Apr 24 '26
“Ethnically Swedish” 💀
→ More replies (1)41
u/Beautiful-Swimmer339 Apr 24 '26
Im of course referring to the tendency of middle eastern men in particular to refuse to change diapers of small children at all or to take paternity leave even back when that peternity leave is lost if not used by the father.
→ More replies (15)29
u/begrudgingredditacc Apr 24 '26
Im of course referring to the tendency of middle eastern men in particular
To clarify, those men are specifically first-generation or second-generation immigrants who buy into a hypermasculine traditionalist culture. You'd see the same behaviour from an American evangelical, or a Chinese Confucianist. Be careful not to miss the forest for the trees.
→ More replies (9)18
38
u/FizziiPopX Apr 24 '26
I think it's more that, when you work in that kinda field, you see so many examples of the worst kinda person. Think retail and customer service - not every customer is awful, but when you're serving all day and the vast majority of people are neutral at best or horrific at worst, it's a pleasant surprise when you serve someone who is genuinely lovely.
→ More replies (6)29
u/keIIzzz Apr 24 '26
I mean people who work in L&D can tell you how common shitty fathers are…it’s not just anecdotal
→ More replies (1)100
u/Ucklator Apr 24 '26
That's the definition of anecdotal.
18
→ More replies (42)20
u/ThreeButtonBob Apr 24 '26
Words like "anecdotal" and "literal" have no meaning they just sound cool, didn't you know? /s
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (151)26
u/Infamous_Try3063 Apr 24 '26
It is very common unfortunately. The younger generation of dads are more supportive and involved and its so awesome to see.
*I have enough years in healthcare to be that many people my age are retired.
→ More replies (4)194
u/Ok_Team_ Apr 24 '26
I (M) remember my overnight stay after delivery, I tried to soothe the baby when it awoke and it wasn’t feeding time, and woke every time the nurses came in i was there to help mom during feedings. We slept in fits, they wake mom every 4 hours to encourage feeding.
I remember the nurse’s told me that most dads don’t help, don’t get involved, and leave everything to the mom.
We were jut recovering from a brutal birth so I was eagerly interested in both baby and mom’s health and recovery but the stories the nurses told me were shocking.
→ More replies (12)47
u/Upstairs-Hedgehog575 Apr 24 '26
Maybe it’s cultural, but I don’t know many dads here who wouldn’t be helping out after the birth.
→ More replies (8)69
u/Aurrr-Naurrrr Apr 24 '26
I work in healthcare. It may be cultural but what it really is is confirmation bias/selective memory. Men are expected to suck by a lot of women. Lots of patients come through everyday. Guess who the nurses gossip about. The shit head patients. This sort of thing easily shifts peoples views over time
→ More replies (3)29
u/ilanallama85 Apr 24 '26
I also think there are some difference based on the hospital. The hospital I delivered at served a largely low income community, and the way the nurses treated us changed DRAMATICALLY when they realized we were a 30 year old married couple and not a couple of 20 year olds having an out of wedlock baby (to be fair we both look younger than we are.) Disgusting behavior, IMO, and they didn’t exactly treat us WELL even then, but it’s clear we weren’t what they were “used to.” Also the whole time my husband struggled to even get anyone to talk to him, like he’d ask a question and they’d turn and talk to me like he wasn’t even in the room.
→ More replies (4)77
u/princessjamiekay Apr 24 '26
Yea it is. When the nurses asked my ex husband to come hold my arms for balance he said no thanks.
60
35
u/Jacket_Jacket_fruit Apr 24 '26
"I personally experienced it, therefore it must be common" is not how that works.
I'm sorry you had a shitty experience and your ex was a POS, but that does not make your experience a common or normal experience.
→ More replies (16)25
u/Legitimate-Bit-4431 Apr 24 '26
I swear people on Reddit think like that about everything.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (3)16
38
u/Schlaueule Apr 24 '26
It's not common, unfortunately people with a difficult family background tend to consider dysfunctional behaviour as completely normal.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (73)20
u/Fuzator Apr 24 '26
Right? Trying to sleep with a woman screaming in the next room, incredibly inconsederate.
→ More replies (2)868
u/LesserKnownFoes Apr 24 '26
Wait. This is common? I was there for every second of my child’s birth.
404
u/Spirited-Degree Apr 24 '26
That's what I'm saying! I didn't miss a second. Plus, your wife is going through something physically traumatic. You should be there for her to curse at you for what you've done to her...
186
u/LesserKnownFoes Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
All I know is that after the most mediocre weinering, I’m sure, my wife told me she was preggo, and HOLY GODDAMN SHIT LETS DO THIS.
Edit: I work evenings. I get a lunch break during which I can go home and I come home to put that baby to sleep. It’s the best part of my work shift. I don’t eat. I just cuddle with that baby and help my wife.
→ More replies (3)108
u/codylish Apr 24 '26
Mediocre weinering. Lol
→ More replies (1)104
u/LesserKnownFoes Apr 24 '26
Look, I know what I bring to the table. I try hard.
91
u/Upset_Seahorse Apr 24 '26
Lets call it what it is then. Enthusiastic mediocre weinering
→ More replies (1)18
→ More replies (2)18
→ More replies (8)40
u/IpeeInclosets Apr 24 '26
The mental trauma is real even when things go as planned. Physics breaks down when these kids enter the mortal plane; both the most beautiful and horrifying to witness and know you had some part in making that happen.
Though, the sense of helplessness when things go even slightly awry haunts me to this day.
The absolute miracle is that humans have been around for as long as we have considering how insanely dangerous and uncontrolled childbirth is.
Haha, sorry, literal trauma dump you didn't ask for.
112
u/Dockers4flag2035orB4 Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
Same here, for 29 hours.
My knees were in agony, because I would get up and hug my wife for every contraction.
I’m sure it wasn’t fun for my wife either. 😂
46
u/malrexmontresor Apr 24 '26
Same, 29 hours, and I have the photo of us holding our first-born, drenched in sweat but relieved, a bruise on my forehead (from when my wife tried to knock herself unconscious) and blood on my shirt (from where she bit through the skin after asking for a hug).
It's funny looking back, after 3 kids, but I honestly thought she was going to die that first time. Fortunately, the next two were easier.
But I never thought for a minute about leaving her side. The nurses found it funny though, especially when she cursed out the doctor like a drunken sailor when he told her that he couldn't give her an epidural at the time.
→ More replies (9)26
u/LesserKnownFoes Apr 24 '26
Okay. My wife’s labor did not last that long, but bless you for it. I would like to think that I would be there for all hours. This was our last child as ✂️🥜, if you know what I mean.
47
→ More replies (1)15
u/underground_avenue Apr 24 '26
They usually don't cut the nuts only pipes to "the cylinder". Unless of course, you want to get extra soft skin and a lot less body hair. Whatever makes you happy.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (3)23
u/theREALvolno Apr 24 '26
I should ask what my dad did during my birth because my mother was in labor for, I shit you not, a week. Said week also included her birthday.
To this day I don’t understand why they didn’t just give her a c-section.
→ More replies (1)67
u/VagrantDog Apr 24 '26
I missed a few minutes of both births. Turns out my aversion to blood also applies to amniotic fluid.
First birth, my wife looks over and says to the nurse, "Is he supposed to be that gray?" Nurse looks at me and immediately barks, "Sit down. Now." Good call: seconds later I threw up in a trash can and had to get checked out by a different nurse.
Second birth, years later: the events of the first birth are told as a funny story. My mother is present for this birth, as well as a group of med students my wife has generously agreed to witness. The spurting begins, and I promptly say "Excuse me, I won't be a minute." Off I go to the bathroom, and as I'm emptying my guts, I hear my mother ask, "Is he okay?" "He'll be fine," my wife replies, "He does this every time."
→ More replies (3)44
u/KrazeeStampede Apr 24 '26
Have you seen all the TikTok of guys bringing their gaming consoles to the birthing rooms? God forbid they try and be attentive to these women bearing their children. You can just see the divorce brewing .
33
→ More replies (4)27
u/statisticaIAnomaly Apr 24 '26
Me and my husband brought a gaming console and played together during the first part of labor. 😄 it was an induction so we were prepared for it to take a long time. It was so nice to have something relaxing to do and just chill.
But the second my contractions started to become intense we stopped playing and his focus was 100 percent on me.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (45)14
u/TisIChenoir Apr 24 '26
I wish I could have. They had to do an emergency c-section and as it wasn't prepared I could not accompany her... still regret it to this day.
36
u/No-County-620 Apr 24 '26
They let me hold my wife's hand during her emergency c- section. They said they'd wait until I got situated. They did not, I saw my wife's insides.
→ More replies (3)18
u/TisIChenoir Apr 24 '26
It was basically a question of seconds to sace my kid so they did not have time to wait for me to don a scrub and all.
→ More replies (3)569
u/fivebynine5x9 Apr 24 '26
Mine left the hospital to grab a couple tallboys (large cans of beer) at the gas station across the street so he could get a buzz on while I was laboring.
ETA it felt great to leave him.
189
u/TheAmazingSealo Apr 24 '26
What does ETA stand for in this context please?
273
u/binkkit Apr 24 '26
Edited To Add
→ More replies (10)107
u/DownrightDrewski Apr 24 '26
Someone had downvoted every comment correctly saying edited to add. I'm guessing it's because they're thinking about estimated time of arrival, but, in context that makes no fucking sense.
→ More replies (22)37
u/Thatonegaloverthere Apr 24 '26
Yep. Someone tried to correct me on this and I stated on Reddit it means edit to add. They wouldn't back down. Lol
→ More replies (23)14
u/marbotty Apr 24 '26
Some people on here view admitting being wrong as a character flaw
→ More replies (2)32
26
25
22
→ More replies (20)17
→ More replies (20)53
u/AKnGirl Apr 24 '26
Mine was watching truck shows and eating horrible smelling bar mix while lounging with his feet propped up on a hand rail. Meanwhile I was going through induction labor (iykyk) and nauseous as fuck.
I too felt great after leaving him!
→ More replies (8)369
u/NerdNuncle Apr 24 '26
Know of at least four husbands/boyfriends to either:
1.) Tell the expectant mother to “hurry up”
2.) Complain he’s the one suffering because he’s been sitting in a chair for hours
3.) Blame the doctor/mother because baby wasn’t sex he had wanted
4.) Get mad they couldn’t smoke a celebratory cigar whilst holding the newborn and/or in the hospital <—- Boomer thing, apparently
So yeah, I do not envy anyone in the OB/GYN field
SOURCE: Worked at a hospital for a few months in what was essentially sanitation. Someone leaked it or spilled it, we cleaned it.
Believe and trust I heard plenty but thankfully never saw anything
78
u/marbotty Apr 24 '26
I can’t imagine being in a relationship with this sort of person, let alone having a child with them.
I’m sure this wasn’t the first time they revealed themselves as horrible
→ More replies (7)92
u/LaterThanYouThought Apr 24 '26
A lot of men don’t reveal their true selves until after a baby is born. Once the woman doesn’t have the time or energy for him that she had before. Prior to adding a baby to the mix, the man gets a lot of undivided attention and they often get resentful that that they’re not getting the attention and sex that they did before because babies are a 24/7/365 job with no breaks and they were raised on TV and likely in families where the woman does the bulk of the household work and child care no matter how many hours she works or what hobbies she used to have.
It’s also a lot harder to leave once you have kids because you can’t just stay anywhere or work any shift anymore so that’s the point at which he’s got you locked in because you’re in survival mode for a couple years after giving birth.
→ More replies (28)→ More replies (34)35
u/ratbum Apr 24 '26
Wow. I bet they complain when people say "men are trash" too
52
u/jimmyrigjosher Apr 24 '26
I don’t appreciate when people say that, but that’s because I don’t exhibit trash behavior like that. It’s ok to be upset when you’re inappropriately lumped in with shitty people solely based on your genetics.
→ More replies (67)→ More replies (6)28
u/QuinnsConundrum Apr 24 '26
As a man reading this god awful thread, please say that as much as you want. What the hell.
→ More replies (5)197
u/TisIChenoir Apr 24 '26
My father-in-law, this great man, dropped my mother-in-law at the hospital, told her "call me when you're done" and went to smoke weed and down beers with his pals.
30 year she stayed married to thar wreck of a man.
→ More replies (1)139
u/Wonderful-Pumpkin695 Apr 24 '26
It's amazing that people in the comments are somehow making this your fault. I was a midwife and unfortunately men acting like this is not uncommon, and often their partners don't know that they will be like this until it's crunch time and a huge, life-changing event happens - and then you either have to live with the knowledge that they're an unsupportive partner for the rest of your relationship, or kick them to the kerb (which isn't easy with a new baby etc.) It's a really shitty situation to find yourself in and I feel like some empathy in this comment section wouldn't go amiss.
→ More replies (15)130
u/Okita_Souji03 Apr 24 '26
What kind of country do you live in where that's okay? Or even if not okay, common...
Granted I'm no father yet but my girlfriend means too much to me to be able to abandon her if she needs me by her side normally, let alone during childbirth
→ More replies (18)74
u/npdady Apr 24 '26
American maybe? I personally do not know a single person like this in my social circle.
87
u/Puzzleheaded-Bar8584 Apr 24 '26
Yeah… I know a labor a delivery nurse who says this is actually common…. That or bringing a whole ass video game console or both. I took a week off from work to help my wife after our kids birth and got asked if my vagina healed when I returned to work. Come to find out most of them never changed a diaper. Eye opening.
→ More replies (7)18
27
u/Subject_Driver_7822 Apr 24 '26
I mean I'm American and personally if I ever have a wife that's going through labor i'm going to be right there with her holding her hand and giving her hugs and doing everything I can to let her know I'm there for her.
→ More replies (14)→ More replies (11)21
u/yourdoglikesmebetter Apr 24 '26
Could be American, but that behavior is certainly not common here.
Pretty sure that’s considered sleazeball behavior everywhere, despite her claim.
61
u/Keiichiiis Apr 24 '26
You're not still with him, right 🙏
113
u/BeatnikBun Apr 24 '26
Yeah a lot of emotional abuse has made it hard to feel worthy of or deserving of better but I'm in planning stages.
→ More replies (11)38
57
u/llysiaR Apr 24 '26
This is NOT common.
→ More replies (4)178
u/Wonderful-Pumpkin695 Apr 24 '26
I was a midwife for 10 years, unfortunately I'd say it's quite common. Not the majority, but certainly a large minority.
→ More replies (45)54
u/thedeafbadger Apr 24 '26
My wife is a midwife. Can confirm that this is not only common, it’s actually one of the better case scenarios. 😞
→ More replies (12)48
u/AcceptablyPotato Apr 24 '26
My wife would have kicked me to the curb if I'd pulled that shit on her. That's some trashy loser ass behavior.
44
u/_bonedaddys Apr 24 '26
there's a show called "unexpected" that's basically tlc's version of 16 and pregnant/teen mom, and there was one boyfriend/baby daddy on the show that was vaping while he was sitting in the birthing tub with his laboring girlfriend.
and then when she wanted an epidural he fought her on it, and when she got one anyway he berated her and called her a drug addict.
→ More replies (5)37
u/Burtipo Apr 24 '26
My husband was crying in the corner 😭
101
u/SomeCatfish Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 26 '26
For my birth my Dad sat in the corner, wide eyed, unblinking, intently reading his book.
Except he never turned a page and the book was upside down 😂
He’s a big guy tall and burly. His wedding ring looks like a baby bracelet. But he can’t handle people being in distress or pain at all he just shuts down, pure freeze mode.
My mother showed me the medical records and a nurse had written in the margin “husband is a giant marshmallow!”
→ More replies (1)14
u/Born-Entrepreneur Apr 24 '26
Incredible lmao.
I almost killed my mom coming out so while she was fighting for her life my dad (also big and burly) slept on a cot in the room and took care of me.
37
u/dale_gribbs Apr 24 '26
My dad spent my first moments out-of-utero in line at Subway.
Been eatin’ fresh since.
25
u/stringrbelloftheball Apr 24 '26
Unfortunately seems to be the case. When both my sons were born i was there every second i could (c section so had to be oht for the cutting part) staying overnight and changing diaps etc. the nurses were very complimentary and i thought i was doing the bare minimum. Hit me with a wave of sadness:loneliness.
→ More replies (9)20
u/Inphiltration Apr 24 '26
Jesus. The only way I wouldn't be in the room is if my SO said so. I'll support the mother of my child in anyway they want, even if it means getting out of the way.
17
18
→ More replies (823)15
6.1k
Apr 24 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1.9k
u/SenatorCrabHat Apr 24 '26
As a dad myself, dudes who willingly deny themselves being in the presence of the miracle of childbirth let alone being there for the entirety of what comes after baffles me.
575
u/boostme253 Apr 24 '26
Same, the birth of my daughter was the greatest day of my life, being able to witness it was truly marvelous, i was warned that it might be gross but it was nothing short of beautiful, the fact that men shy away from it stuns me, its literally the miracle of life
357
u/Mammyjam Apr 24 '26
Sounds like you were incredibly lucky. Don't get me wrong, holding my daughter for the first time was the greatest moment of my life but the 27 hours before that were an absolute shit show of tachycardia for mum and baby, sepsis, not knowing if we would need an emergency section, watching the person I love most in the world crying and sobbing from the pain. I got sent out of the room by the midwife twice because I couldn't stop crying. I was looking up vasectomies 18 hours in. My wife is pregnant atm and while I'm very much looking forward to being a dad again the birth is filling me with dread.
190
u/internetnamesarefake Apr 24 '26
Dude same. My child is the best thing in my life, but the birth was the most traumatising experience in my life. I will NEVER forget the Sound of tearing and bursting flesh. I just stood there holding the hand of my wife and trying to be a comfort for 13 hours. It was not the greatest das of my life. Far from it. Im glad that my wife forgot nearly everything.
→ More replies (4)89
u/SolderFume Apr 24 '26
Similar experience. Was there for both births, and the first one was nothing short of a splatter movie. I never felt more useless in my life, half a dozen of medical professionals doing their job, and then there's me condemned to doing fuck all and just wondering if there's supposed to be blood gushing all over the place.
→ More replies (6)67
u/Cthulhu4Lyfe Apr 24 '26
Lowkey same except idk I did enjoy it but the fact I wasn’t able to do more for my amazing wife but hold her hand and repeat the same 3 phrases made me feel like I was just a well trained support pet
46
u/Ecstatic_Bear81 Apr 24 '26
As someone who didn't have that, I just hope you know that your wife just needed you there and I am so thankful for the men like you who fulfill that, thank you for supporting her and your child :)
→ More replies (3)22
u/AffectionateBag8393 Apr 24 '26
You comment got me cracking up badly. Lol.🥰🥰 I am sure your wife loves the presence of her dear trained support pet.
49
u/_pachysandra_ Apr 24 '26
Please consider getting some counseling sessions before the next birth just to work through some of this very valid trauma before the next birth. For you and for your wife’s sake.
→ More replies (6)28
u/VisceralZee Apr 24 '26
Love is an amazing thing ain't it? Congrats on the future addition to the family! Don't let it fill you with dread, you've been down the route, now you know the possibilities, better yet, just be there and if you're lucky enough like I was, deliver the baby yourself! Our Dr wasn't in at the time and my wife wasn't ready, she wasn't dilated enough, well, next thing we know it my wife says she feels like she needs to push, I call for a nurse, nurse is panicking saying to my wife don't push yet, just wait, like wtf. Oh yes let's just keep my wife in pain and keep the lil one in the oven still, I did what I thought was best, washed up ASAP, put gloves on, told the wife to push, and head pops out the rest was easy(our fourth) every birth I was present for all my daughters. A Dr rushes in and asked what'd I miss as I'm washing off while the nurses tend to cleaning the baby off etc. baby came out crying and ready for life and love. I truly don't understand the dad's who don't want to be present for such a life changing event.
After All that, I ordered thru doordash for the wife 😂 she rested while I was on diaper duty and baby monitoring(she was a premie)
→ More replies (1)45
u/Haunting-Orchid-4628 Apr 24 '26
The baby itself is a miracle, but let's not lie now and say the birthing process is. Not even 100 years ago, it was common to risk dying to birth a baby.
→ More replies (1)40
u/Significant_Spite120 Apr 24 '26
It'snot uncommon now, especially if you are a woman of color. Among "first-world" or "developed" nations, we have the worst maternal mortality rate and it's not improving..
https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2025/04/u-s-pregnancy-related-deaths-continuing-to-rise/
→ More replies (6)30
u/adjavang Apr 24 '26
I'm very squeamish and yeah, it was kinda gross. But seeing my son pop out with a gush of liquid as if he was coming out of a water slide was still the most amazing feeling ever and I am immensely proud of my partner. I'm glad I got the privilege of being there for her.
It absolutely is the miracle of life but the miracle of life is messy and gross and beautiful. And we have had so many more messy and gross moments since then but it has only made it more wonderful.
→ More replies (19)30
u/Nnelg1990 Apr 24 '26
Same, I even went to take a look at the front side when the nurse asked. It was so bizarre because it looked like I could just reach in and take the baby out.
Afterwards it wasn't such a great moment, my daughter wasn't breathing when she came out and of course I knew something was off, but I lied to my wife that everything was fine and that they were just checking her out, because I knew my wife would go into a blind panic, combined with her exhaustion I was afraid about what that would do to her.
In the end, my daughter came through, but they had to take her away to fully support her. At that point my wife was informed, but she was in a lot of distress and I had to choose to go with my wife or my daughter. Eventually my wife told me to go with my daughter so someone could be with her.
I am someone that forgets what I ate in the morning, or where I put my shoes, but that day is branded in my brain as I sit there in a room for children with a problematic birth and singing Remember me from Coco to her while my hand is softly resting on her.
My daughter and wife had no problems afterwards, so all ended up extremely good.
68
u/maniacalmustacheride Apr 24 '26
It’s a miracle but it’s also gnarly. Let’s call it like it is. There’s a lot of blood, fluids, poop, flesh.
Good news is, you can just stay topside, by the mother’s head. You don’t have to be in the trenches if it’s something you can’t stomach. My husband did not care (after my c-section he very lovingly and in awe said “I saw your insides. I saw your muscles and your fat and your viscera” like that was the most metal thing he’d ever seen or could be allowed to see, me just strapped down and gutted and saying “he’s here! He’s here!”) but if it’s not something you can stomach, again, just stay up top.
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (88)28
u/JerachoD Apr 24 '26
Agree, my kids are the best thing that ever happened to me and I've been there for every minute of their lives. If you aren't prepared to witness what the mother has to go through then you don't deserve to be a father.
→ More replies (4)69
u/Christabel1991 Apr 24 '26
My SIL gave birth yesterday. Her husband was butthurt he was not the center of attention. Blew up at me for saying something crucial should be the mother's choice and not his. Of course his blow up had to happen while his wife was throwing up.
→ More replies (17)21
60
u/Professional_Bad7520 Apr 24 '26
Lots of hospitals don't allow anyone except the mother to be in the operation theatre
79
u/coffeedangerlevel Apr 24 '26
They normally allow the surgeon, anaesthetist, midwife, scrub staff, anaesthetic assistant and baby in there too
Although every hospital I’ve worked in routinely allows a birth partner in there unless it’s a GA section or a big emergency
→ More replies (1)33
u/nipplequeefs Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
Well, I was hoping they’d allow the baby to be there in all cases of delivery 🤣
→ More replies (4)17
→ More replies (23)16
u/unintellisense Apr 24 '26
In the United States, or elsewhere? Genuinely curious.
We had first two kids in hospital setting, both, ESPECIALLY the last one sucked what regards to interaction with staff.
Everyone since we did with private midwifes. Such a better experience.
→ More replies (6)→ More replies (245)19
u/pizzaduh Apr 24 '26
I spent 11 weeks in the tiny recliner bed with her every night while she was on bed rest until he was born. Can't relate.
→ More replies (1)
1.8k
u/Dr-Assbeard Apr 24 '26
Chris here, the joke is sexism, she doesn't expect a man to be present and supportive durig childbirth
1.3k
u/hopelesslysad7256 Apr 24 '26
More like it's uncommon to see in her work . If it were a random saying it then I'd say it's sexism but it's a whole medical practitioner who has probably seen countless births so if she is surprised it's because it isn't something they see all the time not because she's taking a jab at men or whatever.
I don't think it can just be labeled as sexism though because they haven't given a reason or trait that makes men not be there for their partners. Some are in the room but keep their distance, some are right next to their partner, some don't even make it into the room .
234
u/Mountain-Resource656 Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
“I, a corrections officer for a region in which there is a statistically anomalously high black population, express surprise when it turns out that the black inmate turned out to be innocent all along, because usually I don’t happen to see that happen, given the fact that all my prisoners are post-conviction, and am phrasing this as ‘when your black inmate ends up released because it turns out the prosecution messed up and they were innocent all along’ with an image of my face very surprised but don’t worry it’s not racist because I legitimately see a lot of bad black people”
Edit: also, pointedly, other commenters are saying that in the original video it was actually s response to the man getting slapped for saying this, and not about the man saying this, so the actual original person wasn’t being sexist but the person taking the screenshot was just some rando
→ More replies (206)68
u/anonymous_teleost Apr 24 '26
If researchers did a survey of couples who delivered babies in US hospitals, and showed that most men were not engaged or supportive of their partners during delivery would you still think those results are sexist against men? Or representative of a a true cultural pattern?
22
18
u/spitestang Apr 24 '26
And if research about race and crime were published, do you think there would be any patterns?
→ More replies (5)27
u/plantang Apr 24 '26
I'm always shocked to learn that any of my white friends have criminal records and even more so to learn that my black friends don't. But that's not racist, it's just a cultural pattern!
/s because half these commenters ate lead paint chips apparently
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (6)13
82
u/TemporaryEconomist Apr 24 '26
Yeah, it’s like calling women drama queens. Since men agree most women are drama queens, calling them drama queens is not sexist.
Except of course it’s sexist.
Both of the above is sexist.
Most men stay with their wife / girlfriend when she’s giving birth and show her support. Don’t know a single father who hasn’t unless he didn’t make it in time. Those who can’t make it regret it their entire lives.
Now stop defending sexism. It’s not a good look.
→ More replies (25)36
u/General_Specialist86 Apr 24 '26
Why is your anecdotal knowledge of the handful of fathers you know and how they behaved in the delivery room more valid or accurate than the repeated daily observations of someone who works in labor and delivery on a daily basis, seeing multiple patients a day, presumably for years?
→ More replies (25)→ More replies (124)10
u/Alarmed-Cheetah-1221 Apr 24 '26
Jesus fucking Christ.
Just imagine this was the other way around for a second. Does your batshit crazy logic still work?
→ More replies (8)123
u/StoryAndAHalf Apr 24 '26
To be fair, the mother not being at the birth of their child is somewhat unlikely. But it did happen to Dr. Doofenshmirtz.
→ More replies (2)197
u/ElfOverlord Apr 24 '26
as someone who's sister just delivered a baby, I can tell you that the nurses and doctors there said that most men sit in the corner (if they even come at all) and act annoyed. most of the time, they don't seem interested in becoming a father. it's very sad to see.
44
u/monkahpup Apr 24 '26
Maybe this is a cultural/national behaviours sort of thing.
I'm an Anaesthetist in the UK, I don't do obstetrics now, but did a lot during my training- epidurals, c-sections, post partum haemorrhage etc. I did see a few dads who weren't as involved. TBH those dads were often from backgrounds where i could imagine men weren't traditionally involved in childbirth, and they were surrounded by women... this is it's own conversation, and I suspect it involves a bit of tact and nuance to have... so not one for reddit. There was also a language barrier that kept a few dads out. They were there, present, sober. Sometimes they looked like they didn't really know what to do with themselves. Sometimes they looked shit scared. I won't hand wave it away as a culture thing, as there were a lot of dads from those cultures who were very involved.
I won't say there were NEVER disinterested dads. Dads in general, though, were very involved and trying to be supportive. I say trying because being supportive in that environment is actually quite tricky to do. Let's stay away from the reductio ad absurdem I'm not saying it's more difficult than childbirth or poor men or whatever, I'm just saying it's fuck-up-able. To be supportive while not removing the autonomy of someone who is just really in a lot of pain and is (understandably) just going a bit crazy has many places to get it weong. When my own wife was having our second I was trying to be supportive and say that the midwife (who was telling her to push) needed her to do a big Valsalva makeover (she's an Anaeathetist too, and she should know what it was... but I guess not when she's in labour, because she hit me over the head with the nitrous)... anyway, I digress.
I don't try to invalidate others' experiences, but just as another viewpoint... my own experience is that dads, on the whole, actually seemed very involved and supportive. Maybe this is a US thing? Certainly it's not that as widespread that I'd be taken aback by it.
→ More replies (7)→ More replies (50)18
70
u/emccm Apr 24 '26
Based on her experience of men in the L&D room. Doctors and nurses have documented the behavior of “partners” when the woman is giving birth.
→ More replies (5)49
u/Elora_Freya Apr 24 '26
You can’t blame her for having those experiences. Sure, not every father is like this towards their partner and child, but too many are, and she has witnessed that.
→ More replies (144)36
→ More replies (140)32
1.6k
u/darubus Apr 24 '26
In the original audio of the video the pregnant woman slaps the husband after he says this. It's a joke about how during labor there's alot of high emotions and stress that the mother to be is experiencing and how such a situation can be awkward for the nurses in the room to be involved in.
411
u/appleparkfive Apr 24 '26
I'm guessing this is the actual answer. It's funny how split people are about this. People think it's either that men are deadbeats usually, or men can't seem to say the right thing in a situation like that.
100
u/ToothZealousideal297 Apr 24 '26
I hope it’s not casting shade for a guy saying “you got this”, though I realize it may well be. Childbirth is a super awkward, actually genuinely terrifying, situation that usually lasts a few hours. The smoothest & most well-meaning and informed guy in the world is going to say something sub-optimal by the end.
→ More replies (15)→ More replies (9)22
u/-Kalos Apr 24 '26
Dads get nervous too! I remember being in the room when my mom was having a C-section and me and my dad were nervous wrecks. I felt helpless seeing my mom cut open and drugged out. I'm not built for what women have to go through
→ More replies (4)80
u/masanorihater Apr 24 '26
This is the answer. The nurse turns around and starts pretending like she's doing something to ignore the scene. Them taking a screenshot of the video makes no sense
28
u/Reatrex Apr 24 '26
This is definitely the right explanations. The other comments got it totally wrong
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (38)14
u/Shinjischneider Apr 24 '26
I was assuming something in that regard. The woman is in an extreme amount of pain and her hormones are going wild. Having a man, who often can't even deal with a normal flue, say "It's ok, you can do this" can trigger a lot of aggression coming out. (Especially because we sometimes lash out at people we consider safe in high stress situations)
→ More replies (18)
243
u/Strebmal2019 Apr 24 '26
Yeah this is a really fuckin stupid one. Not every husband/new father is a piece of shit.
→ More replies (37)162
u/ActivisionBlizzard Apr 24 '26
Most aren’t.
→ More replies (18)102
u/ItalianCoffeeMorning Apr 24 '26
Turns out people in this thread are married to some absolute mouth breathing empty headed idiots. I was there as my wife as much as humanly possible. But some people just chose the wrong guys it seems. If I tried to walk out to smoke weed, or go out and buy beer, or complain I would be a single dad. Some guys are just plain idiots, but then some of these woman really do have a low bar of standards too
40
u/BombasticReindeer Apr 24 '26
I think you mean “it turns out people lie on the internet for points” and “men suck” is a slam dunk.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (13)19
u/christona-bike Apr 24 '26
You would be surprised at the number of men who completely switch up the moment the woman either becomes pregnant or has the baby. A lot of women don't follow through with their pregnancy knowing they're going to be all alone, either literally or in spirit. These men talk a big game but have no follow through, and the woman's only real flaw is daring to believe them.
I find it interesting your phrase it as women being married to idiots rather than the men just... being idiots. It may not have been overtly intentional on your part but its fundamentally placing blame on the woman for the actions of the man. "How could she marry such a loser," is a lot different than "How could he be such a loser."
→ More replies (37)
176
u/Unhappy-Light5939 Apr 24 '26
Just had our first child 3 weeks ago. I was saying this phrase and every other encouraging thing I could think of. 34 hours of contractions before finally going to C section... Things got repetitive honestly. Going through a dozen versions of "You're doing great honey. You got this"
My wife got sick of hearing me trying to encourage her! . She'd reply "I know! Shut up"
101
u/MourningWarning Apr 24 '26
I got tired of “breathe” I started yelling “you breathe!”
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (7)36
u/Spiderinahumansuit Apr 24 '26
I tried to go through the mindfulness visualisation exercises we'd been to an antenatal class for, and got, "Oh fuck off with your fucking ocean!" as the response.
13
u/_ailme Apr 24 '26
"Oh fuck off with your fucking ocean!"
Tbf, I'm thinking this even when I'm not giving birth.
→ More replies (1)
124
u/PunisherOfDeth Apr 24 '26
Reminds me of when my wife was in labor for the first time. We took a class that talked about being a team during labor, so I tried telling her “we can do this honey!” About 5 seconds after telling her that, she said, “there ain’t no WE about this”. I quickly corrected my verbiage.
→ More replies (4)53
u/Purple-Property8006 Apr 24 '26
It’s for this reason that I really hate when couples say “we’re pregnant.”
No, one of you is pregnant and is literally growing a human. The other got to bust a load and get a child 9 months later.
34
→ More replies (6)19
112
u/C_WEST88 Apr 24 '26
Damn the top comments didn’t understand this joke at alll lol . The joke is that when a woman is in excruciating pain in labor and the guy goes “it’s ok honey you got this!” she often flies into a rageee and starts cussing up a storm “Oh do I “got this” Dave?? you so and so!” 😭 my bestie works in the labor and delivery and she jokes about this kinda thing all the time . The nurse here knows what’s about to come cuz she’s seen some things iykwim. That’s what the joke really is.
→ More replies (6)17
u/ForensicPathology Apr 24 '26
Yeah, I was surprised by all the top comments thinking it was a positive reaction. 90s American sitcoms taught me that saying this would cause anger.
57
u/New_Musician8473 Apr 24 '26
Lois here, it's one of the phrases that enrage the woman. What do you know, Peter? Do we really got this? Would you be 'getting it' if your inside felt like being torn apart by an infant the size of Meg?
29
u/WeaponsGradeYfronts Apr 24 '26
That's such a negative take.
44
u/masanorihater Apr 24 '26
This screenshot is taken from a video where the audio is of a slap, insinuating the woman giving birth slapped her husband for saying this. So, may be a negative take but it is the context of the video 😭
→ More replies (10)17
u/New_Musician8473 Apr 24 '26
Well, I partly agree, as a person, but tbh a laboring person is in the most nervous state in their life probably, a whole lot of pain also. Things said during labor do not really count
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (16)23
u/Nana-stole-my-banana Apr 24 '26 edited Apr 24 '26
I don't know why you're getting such defensive answers from the commenters, THIS IS IT. Even the most well-intended encouragement can hit a nerve when it's coming from a person who doesn't know the pain you're in, and tells you to relax.
→ More replies (11)
37
u/SunsetPersephone Apr 24 '26
The full video has the sound of a slap and the nurse turning around, pulling out a bunch of tools to check random things out. The joke is that labour makes the person giving birth irrational, and the nurse is choosing deniability.
A bunch of the comments were like ‘my husband did X, so I yelled at him. Then he did the exact opposite and I yelled at him again.’
→ More replies (6)
19
u/Tbiehl1 Apr 24 '26
The entire time my wife was in labor they were begging me not to leave. Strongly encouraging me to stay...
I was so confused as I was literally standing there holding her hand the entire time. They told me that it was extremely common for the men to just leave or pass out or something. So I imagine this photo has her surprised the guy gives a shit
→ More replies (3)
18
u/MartenBlade Apr 24 '26
so according to the comments it's kinda normal not being near your wife when she gives birth?!
What the hell? of course i'll be there when my child gets born and support her and the baby.
I saw that i'm not as strong as i want to be, because i cried when they had to cut her a bit to make the birth easier, but i was there for them.
Also when they took my son to the scale for wheiging and measuring he cried and i said: "it's ok, your dad is here" and he got a bit more calm.
never thought about missing this experience with my wife and son
→ More replies (1)
•
u/AutoModerator Apr 24 '26
OP, so your post is not removed, please reply to this comment with your best guess of what this meme means! Everyone else, this is PETER explains the joke. Have fun and reply as your favorite fictional character for top level responses!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.