Sounds like you were incredibly lucky. Don't get me wrong, holding my daughter for the first time was the greatest moment of my life but the 27 hours before that were an absolute shit show of tachycardia for mum and baby, sepsis, not knowing if we would need an emergency section, watching the person I love most in the world crying and sobbing from the pain. I got sent out of the room by the midwife twice because I couldn't stop crying. I was looking up vasectomies 18 hours in. My wife is pregnant atm and while I'm very much looking forward to being a dad again the birth is filling me with dread.
Dude same. My child is the best thing in my life, but the birth was the most traumatising experience in my life. I will NEVER forget the Sound of tearing and bursting flesh. I just stood there holding the hand of my wife and trying to be a comfort for 13 hours. It was not the greatest das of my life. Far from it. Im glad that my wife forgot nearly everything.
Similar experience. Was there for both births, and the first one was nothing short of a splatter movie. I never felt more useless in my life, half a dozen of medical professionals doing their job, and then there's me condemned to doing fuck all and just wondering if there's supposed to be blood gushing all over the place.
Lowkey same except idk I did enjoy it but the fact I wasn’t able to do more for my amazing wife but hold her hand and repeat the same 3 phrases made me feel like I was just a well trained support pet
As someone who didn't have that, I just hope you know that your wife just needed you there and I am so thankful for the men like you who fulfill that, thank you for supporting her and your child :)
Get an inside joke that lightens the mood. Most dads miss this golden opportunity to workshop new material on fresh nursing and hospital staff. Bonus extra audiences at teaching hospitals with grad students. Keep it light.
Truth. This sounds less supportive than it was, there's a story behind it (hence the inside part of inside joke, I suppose) but when shit was getting real I reminded my wife "You're not special!" and she busted out laughing. Changed the whole vibe.
Honestly, a well trained support pet was exactly what I needed. The role of medical personnel can be filled by so many different people. The person telling me 'you got this' over and over had to be someone who knows me through and through.
The uselessness is real man, watching my wife in the worst pain of her life and im just sitting there holding her hand unable to do anything. Thankfully we had badass nurses who took really good care of her but I felt terrible. Even doing everything she asked I still felt like I couldn't help at all.
Hey, you know what? As a woman who’s had kids, we see the fear and anxiety on your face, and even though we’re too distracted screaming bloody murder… we worry about you guys while giving birth and feel bad that it’s hard on you, too, and that we can’t pretend to be ok for your sake in that moment. We know and appreciate you. Who the hell else is going to let us squeeze their hand until it goes numb? We need that hand!
Just want to add, same. I was there for both. Forts was a bloodbath, my wife was barely alive and needed a lot of transfusions after, second one went without a hitch in a fraction of the time.
Y’all realize it’s because doctors force women to give birth in the wrong position right? Just hire a female birthing professional next time and it’ll be miserable but not a fucking horror movie just so that the male doctor can have a more comfortable time.
Was there for my daughter’s birth, but my wife wanted me up with her - so I didn’t really witness any of the flesh tearing, I was just there for support directly to/of my wife.
Yea men don't have to go through the pain but we also don't get the immediate amnesia that seems to be common lol. The grossest part to me from my wifes relatively uncomplicated birth was the nasty liquid that came out between the baby and the placenta
Please consider getting some counseling sessions before the next birth just to work through some of this very valid trauma before the next birth. For you and for your wife’s sake.
Love is an amazing thing ain't it? Congrats on the future addition to the family! Don't let it fill you with dread, you've been down the route, now you know the possibilities, better yet, just be there and if you're lucky enough like I was, deliver the baby yourself!
Our Dr wasn't in at the time and my wife wasn't ready, she wasn't dilated enough, well, next thing we know it my wife says she feels like she needs to push, I call for a nurse, nurse is panicking saying to my wife don't push yet, just wait, like wtf. Oh yes let's just keep my wife in pain and keep the lil one in the oven still, I did what I thought was best, washed up ASAP, put gloves on, told the wife to push, and head pops out the rest was easy(our fourth) every birth I was present for all my daughters. A Dr rushes in and asked what'd I miss as I'm washing off while the nurses tend to cleaning the baby off etc. baby came out crying and ready for life and love. I truly don't understand the dad's who don't want to be present for such a life changing event.
After All that, I ordered thru doordash for the wife 😂 she rested while I was on diaper duty and baby monitoring(she was a premie)
Same experience. First time around, our son was literally too big for her, so everything was going along “normally” after like 19 hours of labor, and then things got really frantic, very quickly and plans changed and she had to have an emergency c section. Next kid felt a million times smoother be side the c section got scheduled in advance and a couple weeks early (our daughter was set to be an even bigger birth weight than our son).
My wife had about half of those things going on in the first, not quite as bad. The second was MUCH quicker, but also more traumatic because it was too quick for an epidural. Both bad, but in different ways.
If it's any consolation, my wife had a terrible childbirth experience for our first. For the second, the OB had to come running because my daughter decided to speed run being born. Far different experiences.
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u/Mammyjam Apr 24 '26
Sounds like you were incredibly lucky. Don't get me wrong, holding my daughter for the first time was the greatest moment of my life but the 27 hours before that were an absolute shit show of tachycardia for mum and baby, sepsis, not knowing if we would need an emergency section, watching the person I love most in the world crying and sobbing from the pain. I got sent out of the room by the midwife twice because I couldn't stop crying. I was looking up vasectomies 18 hours in. My wife is pregnant atm and while I'm very much looking forward to being a dad again the birth is filling me with dread.