as someone who's sister just delivered a baby, I can tell you that the nurses and doctors there said that most men sit in the corner (if they even come at all) and act annoyed. most of the time, they don't seem interested in becoming a father. it's very sad to see.
Maybe this is a cultural/national behaviours sort of thing.
I'm an Anaesthetist in the UK, I don't do obstetrics now, but did a lot during my training- epidurals, c-sections, post partum haemorrhage etc. I did see a few dads who weren't as involved. TBH those dads were often from backgrounds where i could imagine men weren't traditionally involved in childbirth, and they were surrounded by women... this is it's own conversation, and I suspect it involves a bit of tact and nuance to have... so not one for reddit. There was also a language barrier that kept a few dads out. They were there, present, sober. Sometimes they looked like they didn't really know what to do with themselves. Sometimes they looked shit scared. I won't hand wave it away as a culture thing, as there were a lot of dads from those cultures who were very involved.
I won't say there were NEVER disinterested dads. Dads in general, though, were very involved and trying to be supportive. I say trying because being supportive in that environment is actually quite tricky to do. Let's stay away from the reductio ad absurdem I'm not saying it's more difficult than childbirth or poor men or whatever, I'm just saying it's fuck-up-able. To be supportive while not removing the autonomy of someone who is just really in a lot of pain and is (understandably) just going a bit crazy has many places to get it weong. When my own wife was having our second I was trying to be supportive and say that the midwife (who was telling her to push) needed her to do a big Valsalva makeover (she's an Anaeathetist too, and she should know what it was... but I guess not when she's in labour, because she hit me over the head with the nitrous)... anyway, I digress.
I don't try to invalidate others' experiences, but just as another viewpoint... my own experience is that dads, on the whole, actually seemed very involved and supportive. Maybe this is a US thing? Certainly it's not that as widespread that I'd be taken aback by it.
It's not even nuanced, it's just detailed. The other comments sound like just bullshit to anyone who's worked in hospital and who knows couples who just had kids.
Dads are involved, kids change their life for better or worse. The issue they face however is that for delivery, they are mostly useless, and more often than not they feel in the way, because they are.
Our system relies on doctors to deliver babies, and they know what they are doing. Most dads are pretty clueless on what do to because their partner is suffering and there is nothing they can do. It's executive dysfunction and for some nurses they will interpret it is "bum ass dad"
Most people are dumb, selfish and do not think that far ahead, but they usually aren't comically evil enough to not give a shit about childbirth.
I thought I was going crazy before your post ha. My wife had both our kids in the UK. First was emergency c section, second was planned.
Firstly the staff were great both times. The emergency section was scary after 12 hours of induced labour, but everyone knew what they were doing. I was just internally terrified I'd lose her.
But back to this post, my impression was that most (or all that I saw) dads were pretty involved. We have the easy job and it doesn't cost anything to be supportive. The expectation is that they would be supportive. So it's weird reading these comments because they don't fit with the reality I've seen.
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u/Dr-Assbeard Apr 24 '26
Chris here, the joke is sexism, she doesn't expect a man to be present and supportive durig childbirth