Yup, if they married and had a child with a man like this, you can't really expect the people they surround themselves with to be vastly different. So they'd think it's normal to be like this.
The self-formed bubble is such a common perception-distorting issue. It's the same with "Why aren't there any good guys, all the guys I date are assholes." or "Why aren't there any good women? All the women I date just want my money.".
Well, if you keep dating a specific type of person, you will end up dating that specifict type of person.
I try not to be. I like the fact that we can improve ourselves independently of our surroundings, and play on that. I analyze most people and take characteristics I want for myself, and watch out for their characteristics I don't like that I might be replicating or have similarities.
Seems to be working way too well, judging by how often people say im different than the others (in a positive sense, but still). Maybe I need to look out a little for more discreet people's characteristics so I can blend in a little more.
That said, I suppose it is impossible to go completely against nurture just by nature. If you live amongst thieves and take notes on how to be a better thief, you might improve on it. But you're still a thief.
I'm a Frankenstein of everyone I admire glued together with mental super glue lol.
To be honest I'm just now at 23 years old starting to like who I've become. I think my personality outwardly is almost ready. I'm not 'weird' anymore. Nowadays I'm described by other people more as "smart" because of my problem solving.
Now on to improve physical appearance and habits, like being more organized, more on time, dress a little bit better, well equiped... And since I've solved other people I've been for working on my internal side too, philosophy mostly.
Masking for the win! It's like a game and I can choose my character stats. I used to envy other people for being normal without effort, but since I've realized they can't do this as easily as I do, I've been eager to explore this side of me a little more. I can have the benefits without the drawbacks
I'm already. I was diagnosed with autistim spectrum disorder a couple of years ago. Social interactions don't come naturally for me so I had to study people and understand better how the average person interacts with each other you know?
Nowadays in theory you couldn't tell I'm autistic because I corrected most of the tells (also this is why it took me so long to get diagnosed). Eye contact for example. I used to avoid it when I was a kid, then when enough people complained about it I overcorrected and didn't look away enough... Well, I had to research about it. I eventually discovered that the normal amount is on average 3 seconds in, 3 seconds out. Nowadays no one complains about it anymore.
Wow, thank you for sharing! Yeah makes perfect sense. I find it interesting how it’s almost a scientific approach to human engagement. How are social patterns quantified and how you can analyze the data to replicate results.
It’s only been a couple years and you’ve put a lot of work in. Not everyone puts so much effort into pursuing self improvement, for that you should be proud. Just be careful in your efforts, to not overtly oppress yourself for the sake of “conformity”. But the mindset and willingness to improve is invaluable
Working in Tech, myself and many of my friends are neurodivergent. Much of my family too. I may not have had the same journey as you, but I respect and recognize your story
Its not malicious. I just look out for people I admire, what and why I admire on them, and how to mirror these habits of theirs in my life without the drawbacks that come with being like that naturally.
When I wanted to be more outgoing and less retracted I studied my friends that make friendship easily for example. How do they avoid or go over smalltalk? How does their average interaction with someone new happens? What do they talk about that make people more comfortable around them, and how do they react when they say something inappropriate? Things like that.
The plus side of being Autistic and having to make myself like this is that I can adapt the lesser desirable sides too. Someone that is very extroverted tends to have a problem in spaces that need silence, solemnity, and even a more professional demeanor. I can understand why, and adapt myself accordingly so in these spaces I don't apply the extroverted social interaction logic.
The bad side is that this is a conscious thing all the time. Some of it gets automatic, like the correct amount of eye contact, but most doesn't.
I am also aware of the fact that the way I talk online is weird. I can assure you in real life I'm not like this. If you met me you'd never bat an eye on the way that I talk, unless I noticed you're a little more aligned with me in reasoning, then I allow myself to be more like this. What people say im a little different than others is just that I'm a good problem solver and I'm eager to do it so I help people a lot on all sort of problems. I also know a little bit of everything so I can have a conversation just about any matter that you throw at me.
It's hard, used to be harder, and on my worst days it's a nightmare. But life's been kind to me in the past few months, and I assure you nowadays it's fun :)
I retract my comment and appreciate the extra context. I’m glad this approach works for you and makes you happy. That level of masking sounds difficult.
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u/Vel_Cosby Apr 24 '26
Yup, if they married and had a child with a man like this, you can't really expect the people they surround themselves with to be vastly different. So they'd think it's normal to be like this.