I try not to be. I like the fact that we can improve ourselves independently of our surroundings, and play on that. I analyze most people and take characteristics I want for myself, and watch out for their characteristics I don't like that I might be replicating or have similarities.
Seems to be working way too well, judging by how often people say im different than the others (in a positive sense, but still). Maybe I need to look out a little for more discreet people's characteristics so I can blend in a little more.
That said, I suppose it is impossible to go completely against nurture just by nature. If you live amongst thieves and take notes on how to be a better thief, you might improve on it. But you're still a thief.
Its not malicious. I just look out for people I admire, what and why I admire on them, and how to mirror these habits of theirs in my life without the drawbacks that come with being like that naturally.
When I wanted to be more outgoing and less retracted I studied my friends that make friendship easily for example. How do they avoid or go over smalltalk? How does their average interaction with someone new happens? What do they talk about that make people more comfortable around them, and how do they react when they say something inappropriate? Things like that.
The plus side of being Autistic and having to make myself like this is that I can adapt the lesser desirable sides too. Someone that is very extroverted tends to have a problem in spaces that need silence, solemnity, and even a more professional demeanor. I can understand why, and adapt myself accordingly so in these spaces I don't apply the extroverted social interaction logic.
The bad side is that this is a conscious thing all the time. Some of it gets automatic, like the correct amount of eye contact, but most doesn't.
I am also aware of the fact that the way I talk online is weird. I can assure you in real life I'm not like this. If you met me you'd never bat an eye on the way that I talk, unless I noticed you're a little more aligned with me in reasoning, then I allow myself to be more like this. What people say im a little different than others is just that I'm a good problem solver and I'm eager to do it so I help people a lot on all sort of problems. I also know a little bit of everything so I can have a conversation just about any matter that you throw at me.
It's hard, used to be harder, and on my worst days it's a nightmare. But life's been kind to me in the past few months, and I assure you nowadays it's fun :)
I retract my comment and appreciate the extra context. I’m glad this approach works for you and makes you happy. That level of masking sounds difficult.
173
u/BootlegEngineer Apr 24 '26
I heard or read somewhere a long time ago that you are a sum of the 6 closest people to you.