My experience was dating a guy who followed me around in awe of me and trying to win me over any way he’d could, but began to act differently after we were married and I was pregnant and it got worse and worse as time passed. He saw me as something to achieve what he wanted, but after he realized life, adulting, marriage, and parenting take work he was a lazy toddler who blamed all the hardships on me and did nothing to help. He used being connected to my family to get a good job and then would not let me or his kids have access to the money because it was his. If bro had come out swinging like that from day 1 he wouldn’t have had any attention from me, but he didn’t, he hid that part of him. After 6 years I learned more about his past that he had hidden and yup, he sucked before and sucked after but purposely and intentionally hid that from me and put on a good show for almost 2 years until I was kind of stuck. If more people showed their true colors the whole time this would happen less. Even my dad has said “us guys know how to act a certain way to get what we want.” So is it really only women’s responsibility or bad taste in men?
Of course I did. I told him many times. We went to multiple counselors. I went to counseling on my own and worked on me. You’re putting the blame on the person being tricked and not the person tricking again. People who purposely hide who they are to be manipulative and get what they want and then are ugly to their spouse and kids aren’t going to say “oh, I’m sorry, I had no idea.” He knew what he was doing and he was doing it on purpose. He’s abusive. I left him. But the person I was married to and left was nothing like the person I dated and yes to marrying. The person who dated me was not a real person, it was a persona, an act. I didn’t get a fair shot at choosing because the actual choice was being hidden. And I never just put up with it. I fought to make it better day after day after day. I protected my kids. I hid money to be able to get away. I tried to get a better job so I could better leave. When nothing was better I left. Then I fought him in court to get the kids out of it. I’ve spent my entire adult life fighting this man and paying for seeing what he showed me instead of seeing into a crystal ball to know what he was really like.
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u/[deleted] Apr 24 '26
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