There is no way someone who will leave when you're giving birth to smoke weed and sleep wouldn't have shown that kind of extremely selfish uncaring and lazy behavior before. It would totally be your fault for choosing to have a baby with a clearly underdeveloped man like that. Women are not all stupid children that can't judge a person's character.
It's very common for men to hide this until they are assured their partner will never ever leave - that milestone is often either marriage or the first baby
It's not a conscious decision necessarily, a switch to "now I own you"
Some have had the most loving, considerate, attentive partner turn into someone who beats them on the night of the wedding.
In my case, him suddenly feeling unexpectedly scared, trapped, and overwhelmed resulted in similar shocking suddenly different behavior I could never even imagine coming from him previously.
We had been together 6 years, he took care of me through two years of cancer treatment and surgeries and was so kind, thoughtful, attentive, involved, everything. He always wanted a family and my pregnancy was planned. He was so so excited.
At the end of my third trimester he suddenly started seeming a little distant and stressed and started having nightmares about the baby dying. In the hospital, he kept leaving the labor and delivery room and not coming back for extended periods of time-- I had no idea where, nurses were trying to find him. I had no one else with me. When he came back in he wouldn't explain and wouldn't really interact with me. It was so unlike him I was extremely upset and confused.
(Years later long after we'd divorced, he said he was having panic attacks and went to the car and listened to music to calm down, but felt ashamed for leaving and felt defensive about it. No idea if that's really true, but that's the story anyway.)
After the baby was born, he just ignored us both. Slept or left the room and didn't come back for a really long time. Got himself food but not me. Didn't want to hold or look at the baby. I was SO shocked and confused and devastated. I did not expect that from him in a million years.
After we went home, that basically just continued and things spiraled. His family and friends were shocked and confused as well. Nobody expected that from him and none of us could figure out why it was happening. We split up for good less than two years later, during marriage counseling. He essentially fully disappeared after that for the first half of our kid's life. 💔
He explains now that he became terrified the baby would die and felt like he didn't want to get attached to it, having a kid triggered a bunch of childhood trauma that made him freak out, plus the sudden suffocating feeling of responsibility without any escape all came together to play into his behavior. 😞
It was the most heartbreaking and shocking thing I've ever experienced and I know people on the outside don't ever believe that I had no way of predicting that would happen, so I get blamed. Its horrible.
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u/OldBet7479 Apr 24 '26
There is no way someone who will leave when you're giving birth to smoke weed and sleep wouldn't have shown that kind of extremely selfish uncaring and lazy behavior before. It would totally be your fault for choosing to have a baby with a clearly underdeveloped man like that. Women are not all stupid children that can't judge a person's character.