last year on my birthday my ex said he'd "handle dinner." came home hungry, dressed up, ready. turns out he'd ordered himself food two hours earlier, ate it, left the containers on the counter. said he "assumed i grabbed something." there was nothing in the house but condiments and his protein powder.

i cried over a slice of american cheese standing up in the kitchen. lowest effort betrayal a person can pull off honestly. to just not think about whether you've eaten.

so tonight, one year out and one apartment over, i made myself sirloin. crispy potatoes, rice, the pickled onions i like that he always said "smelled weird." cooked it how i wanted. ate it at my own table. controller next to me bc i'm playing my game after, alone, and i could not be happier about it.

funny how the guy who couldn't be bothered to feed me accidentally taught me i'll never go hungry waiting on someone again. onions smell amazing btw.

Potato soup that cooked for 6 HOURS in the SLOW COOKER and still wasn't SOFT, AUGH but anyway I have a positive post today!

My boyfriend recently reconnected with his friends from the state he grew up in. It's been really nice seeing him have a social life again. They game together and he was put in a discord server with them. He was looking it over and said "oh they have a politics channel". We both kind of gave each other the oh shit here we go look (if you know about male gaming spaces you know why that was terrifying)

I was surprised to see they were not only against Trump but openly mocking right wing anti trans sentiments and arguing about stuff with their conservative family. Like I know there's liberal men, I watch them on YouTube etc, but I was just surprised to see men actually discussing this stuff in a group where it doesn't benefit them to be progressive. Especially when it's a red pillers wet dream demographic of young male gamers. I'm so used to hearing all sorts of gross rhetoric come out when the men I grew up around got together. So I'm feeling hopeful. Progress is being made

A girl’s recent post about doing 10 days in jail just unlocked a memory I haven’t thought about in years.

4 years ago, 2020 my last meal before jail was garlic naan and butter chicken curry. At exactly 6:35pm, I got a call from my IO (investigating officer) telling me I’d be reporting the next morning to serve a 6-month sentence for drug consumption. Like seriously?? I thought i was just going to get a weekly urine test, instead i had to go to jail for smoking grass. I was only 21 y/o. I was in my 2nd/3rd year of college.

It’s funny what my brain remembers. I don’t remember much of the phone call, but i remember the time & the feeling of my stomach absolutely dropping, i lost my appetite. At least i got a few bites in.

I didn’t sleep at all that night. I spent the entire night writing letters and scheduling messages to my boyfriend (now ex) & my family every 2 days so he’d know I was thinking about him while I was inside.

He cheated on me while I was serving my sentence lol!!! 😅

Anyways would have been a 10/10 last meal if the IO called after i finished my dinner lol. Im 3 years dvrg free now! And i can finally re-tell this as a funny story :)

Edit 1: forgot to mention its a throwaway account! I can’t post on my main account because no one knows i went to jail. (My mom lied to all my relatives i was having a 6 month exchange HAHAHA)

Edit 2: my entire sentence was actually 1 year. 7 months in jail, 5 months home detention (i was wearing the ankle monitor & curfew was 12-3pm only)

Edit 3: rly didnt expect this post to get seen by so many! Anyways the first thing i ate was a whole bag of famous amos chocolate chip cookies.

It was so so much hard work and took so long but I finally finished my law degree!! I'm so glad I didn't quit when it got hard. I doubted myself a lot but it all worked out.

Got a really good grade on my thesis too, my professor liked it a lot!

Plant-based burger, chili cheese tortilla and fries

Update/recap: the other day my long time friend S confessed their feelings for me (again) and it didn’t go well (boundary breaking, general creepiness, possessiveness and controlling behavior) and following yalls advice I have not spoken to him since. I think that friendship is dead, I’m just not ready to confront it head on yet. I’ve got a lot going on (good and not good!) and just… don’t care to deal with it tbh. It’s not bothering me and is whatever.

New business: today I get a facebook message from another life long friend. I’ve known this person since we were twelve when we met on some teenage chat forum and have been quasi good friends ever since. One of those friendships forged in AOL messenger and myspace. Adulthood has definitely had us drift apart but we still keep up with each others lives via facebook and chit chat back and forth. The message was him confessing to a life long crush on me and asking if I want to grab coffee sometime. I told him that I would absolutely love to grab coffee, but that I couldn’t promise it being anything but a platonic context for me at this point. He is a wonderful person and has a lot going for him in life, and we have a lot in common values wise, but I’m not sure I can think of him that way. Guess we’ll find out after coffee. I haven’t seen him in person since college so it’s been a while. But!! He responded to that positively and said he’s just excited to see me and catch up either way. Green flag.

I’ve got more game than I can handle. Anyways girl dinner is an oat milk lavender latte from the farmers market, sweet peppers cream cheese boats with chili crunch, marinated mozzarella balls, and a brand new pen; special guest is my sweet house panther Jooney.

I'm 11 weeks into my fourth (planned) pregnancy and we're thrilled. HOWEVERRR, this is also the fourth time I've been diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum and it. is. horrendous. As women we have a tendency to talk ourselves out of how bad something is/was and I definitely fell into that trap. It's worse than I remember. I've thrown up 14x today and 241x total since 8w. Fortunately I'm staying hydrated and haven't had to go to the hospital. I also have a supportive partner.

I spoke to a stranger about my plight and she berated me for being insensitive and ungrateful, which left me feeling guilty on top of everything else. Sigh.

Dinner tonight is a white chocolate raspberry whole milk shake with honey, courtesy of my husband, who I couldn't do this without (including the conception part, of course).

I broke up with my fiance last month. Our wedding was supposed to be this fall. We’ve been together my entire adult life (I was 22 when we started dating, and I’m in my 30’s now). We have a life together. Two dogs that are basically our children.

I can’t imagine life without him. I am hurting so much. But when his temper escalated to him screaming at me and throwing things, all I could think was that I don’t want this to be the rest of my life. If my sister or my friend told me their partner was treating them this way, I would tell them that they deserve better. I can’t imagine my dad ever treating my mom like this.

I asked him to go to therapy before this happened, either together or alone. We weren’t communicating well. I don’t even remember what fight made me talk to him about therapy, but he said he wouldn’t go.

He has started going to therapy now. He felt terrible the next day when he realized what he had done. He promised this would never happen again. He says he is working on himself for him and for us. I want so badly to believe this, but deep down I don’t feel like I can. I’m sad that the life I thought I was going to have with him is over. I’m mad that it took things getting to this point for him to realize that the way he treated me was not right. I wish I had done things differently – I must have done something for things to get to this point, and for him to feel like he couldn’t talk to me. I could have been better in our relationship too. I miss my best friend.

My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 22-23. It’s been 14 years. We aren’t married. We’ve been through everything together. But we’ve had a mostly dead bedroom since Covid, and we are deep into roommate syndrome.

He’s not going to propose any time soon. I know that. He’s not ready to start a family. But there’s also no *real* reason for us to break up. He’s a good guy. We don’t fight. We laugh and enjoy hanging out together. I know that what we have is something many people would love to have in a life partner. But it’s just not enough for me. I need romance and passion and sex. But it’s not here, and I don’t think it ever will be. It wasn’t ever really there to begin with. It’s not like it’s something we had and lost.

The idea of leaving him makes me feel sick. I haven’t had a day where I haven’t cried and had panic attacks since I realized I need to end things. I’ve been seeing a therapist who has helped, but… it’s just not stopping the pain.

How do you take apart almost 15 years together? How do I have this conversation? I’m worried about what my family will think. I’m worried I’ll regret it.

There hasn’t been a single day since the first day we met that we haven’t talked to each other (or texted, called, etc.). I don’t know how to not be in his life. I can’t fathom it. But I also can’t stay like this.

Chocolate chip cake because I need some sweetness in my life.

Edit: Lots of comments saying “talk to him.” We have had conversations over the years - and recently as well - about the emotional distance. I think it’s likely he is feeling the same way I am, but doesn’t want to face facts either. We are both very avoidant for things like that.

Other themes: It’s worth noting too that any sexual contact we have had in the last ~5 years has been initiated by me. I believe he has lost all sexual desire for me. I do not feel any sexual chemistry with him as well. Even when we were in the “new relationship energy” phase, that factor was not quite satisfactory for me. I genuinely believed I was fine with it until I realized I wasn’t. There’s no other way to explain that, unfortunately.

We have spent the majority of our adult lives together. I want him happy. I believe he could be happier with someone else.

cake recipe

I was at dinner with some friends last week and they started talking about their sex lives. It very quickly devolved into how their husbands expect sex from them no matter what and if they say no they will bother them about it or get angry.

Im not trying to brag but my boyfriend is NOT like this and I had no idea it was so common. If I do turn him down, he’s literally just goes on about his night. Sometimes I can tell he’s disappointed but he doesn’t try to guilt me into doing it anyways. We didn’t have sex for like 7 months, mainly because of health stuff on my end, and he never said anything.

I never said anything to my friends about it because it doesn’t seem to bother them much?? Like they’re clearly annoyed by it but to me it’s a serious issue. Like leave the house and stay at my mom’s. I would be very upset. Am I thinking about it too much and it’s not that serious? Is this just something women write off?

Featuring my bowl of slop. Beans, avocado, corn & salsa verde.

Crab Rangoon burrito, tastes like elbow

My 25f bf 24 m completely ruined our 1st anniversary and I feel like I’m at a crossroads. Months ago his favorite musician announced tour dates with the one we just went to being this past weekend. He really wanted to go but ultimately could not afford to. Without telling him, I bought us tickets for almost ground level seats considering it my anniversary gift to him as we started dating around that time. He was over the moon and would constantly mention how excited he is to go to the show with me. Flash forward to the night of the concert, in the uber he is glued into watching the World Cup. As soon as we get to the venue I am told I cannot bring my purse in bc it didn’t meet the stadium requirements, I wanted to blow a fuse but in that moment I knew giving him this experience meant more to me than one of my favorite purses, I threw the fucking purse in the garbage without even thinking otherwise. It was a $5 purse I thrifted but it meant a lot to me. We get in and he takes his phone out to watch the world fucking up. I say “let’s get some pictures before the sun goes down” he says he doesn’t want to, I try to roll with it and ask him to take photos of me, he moans and groans and gets a number of zoomed unflattering photos. I look at them say to him “can you take some more I just want one nice picture” he says no. A girl behind me takes notice and offered to take pictures. At that point I felt embarrassed and said “it’s fine but thank you”. The show begins, it’s country with a lot of romantic hits so ofc (as we have before) I wanted to dance to the songs with him, he pushes me off him and says “I’m tryna focus on the show”. I am bewildered bc he is always so affectionate and loving, but this man was not. Bc I was so confused about his behavior I say “why don’t you want to dance with me?” And responds “I just want to be in the moment” at this point what that meant to me was he wouldn’t be able to have a good time at the concert if I was at all involved. I was completely stonewalled on our anniversary. He also did not get me anything, do anything for me or even say the word anniversary. Not one sincere intimate moment with my boyfriend. I try again to get him to dance with me, he’s still shewing me away. I can’t help but begin to sob. Directly in front of us is a couple having the exact night I thought we were going to, they were passionately dancing, kissing and singing along to the music. I’m completely breaking down, he turns to me and goes “what’s wrong”. I fucking snap and yell “why can’t we be like them? Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to dance with me on our anniversary” we always dance to this kind of music. I stood next to him for the entire show and felt like I was there all by myself. I have the meltdown of the year, I cannot contain my disappointment and heartbreak. He eventually pulls my pathetic sobbing self into a swinging side hug, I felt so fucking humiliated. The show ended and I’m still crying. As we sit and wait for the uber he turns that fuck ass World Cup back on. I cry myself all the way home and into my sleep. The next morning he is SOOOOOOOOOOO SOWWWYYYY but I’m done. I spent nearly 1k to take this man to see his favorite band because he was worth it to me and he acted like I was some whore he didn’t want to be seen in public with. I tell him how devastated I am that he ruined my experience and that I need to take a few days to myself. That was Sunday morning and it is currently Tuesday afternoon. I plan on seeing him sometime this week to tell him where my head is at as I am going out of town and unplugging all for of next week. I’ve been in between fits of intense crying, rage, embarrassment, and numbness. I feel like I have to choose between drowning and being stabbed to death, either I walk away from a relationship that was incredible up until that point, or I stay with a man my friends now don’t think is right for me. I’m leaning more towards leaving but I’m so fucking angry that I’m in this position at all. I love him so much but idk if I can move on from this.

IM SO UPSETTTTTTTTTTT he doesn’t know how good the salt and pepper looked on him. he started freaking out about it when some grey strands came in a few years ago because we were only 22 (we’re 25 now) and i’ve always reassured him (or tried to, guess it didnt work) that it’s normal and as long as it wasn’t stress related, it was fine. he told me it was not stress related, so we relaxed.

i’ve found a few grey hairs here and there too but idgaf cause my philosophy has always been that aging is a gift so whatever. but for him, they've sprung up more and more since then and it made him look REALLY fucking good.

And I mean that so seriously it was SO sexy i even gave him a little grey stripe in his hair when i made him on my island in Tomodachi Life that’s how much i loved what it did for him but today he texted me a picture with a thumbs up and the box dye in the shower… “grey be gone” he said... and i am truly devastated.

ice cream soft serve with caramel and cookie crumb.

Yesterday while at work I received frantic messages followed by a panicked call from my younger sister that our brother (severe mental illness) was as threatening to harm me. I’ve spent the last 24 or so hours trying to understand where life went so wrong.

Growing up we were best friends, not even two full years apart, absolutely inseparable. He was my best friend and I wanted to do everything he did as the annoying little sister I was. We were two peas in a pod up until he was about 24.. something switched in his brain. Not sure if it was the drug abuse or mental illness but it was like a switch flipped in his brain. I’d never come in contact with someone so evil and cold. He’s threatened others around me over the years from girlfriends to our stepfather but I never thought it would be or could be directed at me.

Flash forward to yesterday… we have been very very low contact since 2022 when that switch flipped. He sent messages to our mom about how he was going to show up to my house at the time I would arrive home from work and murder me. The reason? A silly comment I made on my mom’s Facebook post joking about him being in jail… after receiving screenshot after screenshot of pure hatred and other disturbing behavior I decided it was enough and I would be the one to FINALLY stand up to him. I called the police and he was picked up 30 minutes later and taken to jail for domestic violence and aggravated menacing…

I thought everything would be okay, get a temporary protection order… block any avenue of communication… NOPE. not that easy. This morning the prosecutors advocate called me and told me I would have to be at the court house at 9:30am in order to get the protection order finalized. I went to court this morning, not even 24 hours after sending him back to jail… I wrote a victim impact statement and I STILL couldn’t bring myself to be angry or say anything to hurt his chances of a normal life. I begged for the judge to give him another chance and send him off to a mental health facility but given the extent of his violent past they refused.

Our dad (retired cop) has been housing him between jail stays and has 100% enabled his shit behavior. Since this went down he has been trying to play both sides which is understandable to an extent but putting money on someone who threatened to murder your daughter’s jail account for commissary and phone calls is absolutely insane.

The guilt I feel is overwhelming. I am numb to the core, I don’t feel safe at home, I worry for my animals safety.

Anyways… Cajun sausage and veggies for dinner.

this is the best stir fry ramen i have had in a while, today my boyfriend told me he has slept with 55 women, i dont care about how many people he has slept with but previously he had said it was 15, today he told me the actual number and he thinks this should be none of my business.

But i believe i should know this to know if he has been tested or not because thats a lot of people and i just dont appreciate the lie.
I dont know if i am overthinking about this

I still can’t believe this is real life…

So about 2 years ago my close friends formed another friend group and from time to time we would all come together and hang out. I immediately noticed this beautiful goddess in the group and instantly had one of THOSE crushes on her!! She gives dream girl: personality, looks, energy. But, she was in a relationship so we never did anything, though my friends did tell her I had a crush on her. A couple months ago, she left the relationship but I didn’t think much of it because we have mutual friends and I didn’t want anything to be messy, but I def still had the same fat crush on her.

Fast forward to yesterday, she came to town to visit my other 2 friends yesterday and I passed a big exam so we all met up to celebrate. We all got pretty drunk and our mutual friends were trying to hook us up- not subtly at all- and eventually we just went for it, it was sooo easy to talk to her and we really entered flow state. We made out a few times throughout the night and there was so much flirting and touching!!! Eventually we made it back to my place and I strapped and oh my gosh it was so incredible.

I don’t feel this way about many girls, but I can no longer deny the fact that I am gay af. Before anyone asks, neither of us wants anything serious!

Chicken Alfredo with cherry tomatoes and spinach

Mario Bros Yougurt

Earlier today I had made a post about hating how I was treated like a fetish object rather than a person because of my weight and someone basically slutshamed me saying how I quote "Eat garbage and post titty pics in a NSFW thread" because I post in an NSFW subreddit about my outfits that I don't deserve basic human decency. Now the reason I specifically post in said NSFW thread is because I'm of the belief that my body will immediately get my stuff banned in other subreddits also alot have very strict/vague rules that I simply don't understand because I have one braincell that dings around like a DVD screensaver.

And almost immediately the comment was removed, I really appreciate it from the mods because I am also a hypersensitive crybaby. But seriously let's take a moment to appreciate the mods here

I went to Tennessee for a week for my birthday, and on Sunday I got a call from my mom saying that she went to feed my senior cat and found him dead. I cancelled the rest of my vacation and drove the 7 hours back home and buried him on my birthday, Monday. I feel hollow. everything reminds me of him, I'll never again feel him rub against my legs as I walk, or have him flop next to me in bed, or hear him meow and let me know it's time for dinner. I miss him so much, I knew it could be coming any day but I still wasn't prepared for it. I would wake up every day and look over at him in my doorway and check to make sure he's still breathing, it really was a long time coming. about a year ago he stopped eating hard food and then shortly after that he stopped eating wet food, and the only thing he would eat is cat soup, where id mix the pate with about 50% water for him to be able to drink it. I love him so much I don't know how I'm going to move on without him. and I'm trying not to hold myself accountable, but of course I feel guilty, why wasn't I there for him? why did he have to die alone? my poor boy. I'll miss him forever. food is from a restaurant I went to on vacation. pesto mozzarella panini, spinach and feta pastry, sweet potato fries, and a strawberry milkshake. have not eaten since I got the news

tw: domestic violence, drugs

Today makes four years of marriage to my husband. This man learned to make coffee in a French press for me despite not liking coffee himself, and he makes a fresh batch for me nearly every morning. Almost seven years together total and he still opens the car door for me every time we go out.

After a lifetime of being surrounded by and trying to take care of abusive people, of being raised in homes full of violence and hard drugs, of eventually experiencing DV myself... This man has shown me what calmness is. That men can be gentle and considerate and peaceful. We literally never fight. We have managed to talk through every concern without any kind of dramatic, emotional fallout.

He's brought a level of peace into my life that I didn't know was possible and I'm eternally grateful in ways I can't describe. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel loved. He isn't threatened by me taking up space or having opinions. He's an amazing father and I'm in awe of the fact that our kids have such a good, healthy example to look up to in a father figure.

I know it's cliche, but he's literally my best friend and knows me better than anybody ever has. He doesn't shy away from my ugly experiences which is remarkable freeing.

I'm rambling but...I just want to send these thoughts out there. I was always told that men like this didn't exist and that wishing for this kind of life was unrealistic. I want more people to know that it isn't that we don't have to settle.

Feeling full of love and gratitude today.

___________
Picture is breakfast he made for me: black coffee, fried egg and cheddar sandwich with blackberry jelly

Watching a movie with the kids and I stood up to grab something and my son pulled a yuck face… I asked why and he said my stand up air is rank. I fear I will never recover.

Sitting on the floor eating after last nights sex sesh where nothing happened. We’ve been together for three years and get along well, never had fights, always have healthy conflict, laugh all the time. I find him very handsome and other people do too, not like that matters but I would say he’s the one guy that I’ve had the most issues with other girls wanting him 😅

The two ways I get there are from head or a vibrator. It does take me awhile, maybe like 15-20 min. I have been able to finish with past partners. Well in this relationship I have primarily been using my vibrator because I’ve only ever came 3 times from head the entire time we’ve been together. Which I’ll give him some credit because for awhile I was on antidepressants, but it’s been over a year since I’ve stopped taking them.

I’ve tried to be more open about how I like it and I gave him the she comes first book which he read and took notes on. I can tell he genuinely wants me to get there. The problem is that he’s too gentle and falls out of rhythm constantly. Which is crazy because I have the world’s most sensitive girl and I’m usually telling men to not be so hard. Anyways, aside from directly telling him, I’ll even grab his head and push it a little so he catches my drift or hold his head in place. It doesn’t matter.

This thing has become a giant issue because now when he’s down there he gets anxious and so do I. everything he does feels great; but it feels like I get edged into oblivion and it’s so frustrating feeling.

It feels so unfair that he can just do what he needs to do to get there and he always does while with me it’s a roll of the dice. I am stumped on what else I can do other than me verbally saying what I need from him and being non verbal with my body language— because I’ve already done those things!!!

My friends all talk about how their bfs are munches and it makes me so jealous. I just feel like our sex life is still in the beginning stages and it’s been three fucking years. It makes me not want to have sex. I NEED HELP.

EDIT: this is how sex usually goes for us:
He goes down
It feels amazing , sometimes even seconds in!!
I get really close I just need that final push
He loses rhythm or gets softer
It revs back up again
I get close again
Same thing happens
I grab his head and push him down or hold him in place
He doesn’t pick up on my cues - even tho I’ve told him when I’m grabbing here it means this when I’m pushing tbere it means that etc etc
Now atp I’m just annoyed and frustrated and I don’t want to continue because it’ll have been 20 minutes and I feel exhausted trying to get there
I use my vibrator while he fucks me
The end

i got a call last week that my insurance denied my pre-authorization for Facial Feminization Surgery. They claim that my plan doesn’t cover it. It does. HR at work was able to find written proof that my plan covers every single procedure that was denied.

The only explanation the denial offered was “Your doctor informed us about your gender issues, your plan does not cover procedures to make you look more like a man or a woman”

My surgeon is just as baffled as me. He’s worked with other women on my exact plan with the exact employer and he knows it should be covered. He submitted an appeal and peer to peer right away. I think we’ll win the appeal but we haven’t heard back and the surgery was supposed to be in a few days so we’re gonna need to reschedule it. Might not be able get until October. I know i’m so lucky for even being able to get it and plenty of other trans women would kill to be as close as I am but I just hate having this delay with only days to go. My surgeon and I discussed all features that masculinization my face and now it’s all more visible to be. Its hard to not be insecure about those features when Inwas is close to be rid of them.

I’m gonna go solo backpacking in the Northeast if the surgery gets delayed. I’m not on my work schedule for the month of July and I’m imagining myself sitting at home, feeling bad for myself, all my friends feeling bad for me. I love my friends and I know they love me but I don’t want a pity party.

I made vegetable soup !!! based off of the ten vegetable soup that panera used to have

He’s a medicated ADHD man. Definitely abuses the ADHD meds and alcohol. I love him so much but his emotional abuse is just overwhelming now. I used to blame it on him just having outburst that he couldn’t control, but now that we’re extremely stressed about money, his outbursts happen almost every time we talk and are 100% directed at me. It’ll be about me “cutting him off” when I’m just adding to the conversation, or saying a wrong word when I’m actively listening and use a wrong synonym. ORRRR walking away too quickly when he wasn’t done talking (even though it seemed like he was). It just feels like excuses to let his anger and unregulated emotions out.

It’s been making sick to my stomach for the last 6 months. But on the new moon night a couple nights ago I looked up the to sky and asked (insert all of the options here) to guide me to what my next decision should be. Whether that be to stick it out with him while we figure out the money/business stuff so he can treat me better, or to show me that it’s time to move on. Since then I can’t stop daydreaming of the freedom I would feel to start over and live for myself again.

Anyway- sweet potato with cheese and pickles for my snack.

I (36F) have been with my boyfriend (37M) for a little over a year and we’re currently living together.

When we first started dating, I felt like we were generally aligned on wanting marriage and kids. Early in the relationship, he told me that he could see himself being ready for marriage after about two years of dating. While there were never any promises made, that timeline felt compatible with what I wanted for my life.

Over time, though, things seem to have changed. I know I want to get married and start a family relatively soon. At 36, I feel a sense of urgency about making decisions that move my life forward. My boyfriend is now planning to go back to school and pursue a new career path, and he has told me he likely would not be ready for marriage until he finishes his program, which would be another 3–4 years from now.

What makes this difficult is that he’s a genuinely good person. This is actually the healthiest and most stable relationship I’ve been in. We get along well, rarely have major conflicts, and I care about him deeply. Because of that, I don’t want to walk away from something good simply because I’m anxious about timelines.

At the same time, I’m struggling with the fact that the timeline I thought we were working toward has changed significantly. Another factor is that he has seen a lot of divorces and unhappy marriages in his family and among people close to him. Because of those experiences, he has expressed that he doesn’t really believe marriage works long term for most people and has questioned whether it makes sense at all. While he hasn’t said he never wants to get married, those comments have made me wonder whether his hesitation is really about timing or whether he has deeper doubts about marriage itself.

I also can’t ignore that before me, he had not been in a serious relationship for about seven years. During that time, he mostly dated casually and never got particularly close to marriage with anyone. Part of me wonders if that’s simply because he hadn’t met the right person yet, while another part of me wonders whether it reflects a broader pattern of being uncomfortable with long-term commitment.

I often feel like I’m the one initiating conversations about our relationship. I don’t want to pressure someone into a timeline they’re not comfortable with. But I also don’t want to wake up at 40 in the exact same place I am now when I could be married with kids by then with someone who is actually ready.

Part of me wonders if my anxiety is being driven by my age and fear of running out of time. Another part of me worries that when someone goes from saying they could see marriage after two years of dating to saying they won’t be ready for another 3–4 years, while also expressing doubts that marriage works long term and having spent years avoiding serious relationships, that’s important information I shouldn’t ignore.

For those who have been in similar situations, how do you tell the difference between a partner who genuinely wants a future with you but whose timeline has changed versus a partner who is slowly moving the goalposts because they’re not sure they want marriage at all?

Would a shift like this be a dealbreaker for you?

fave snack plate! burrata cheese with various veggies! destroyed in about 2 minutes

recently went back to the gym and i realized, i don’t know what kind of underwear to wear. i have a larger than average puss lips (rip my digital footprint) so i can’t wear thongs everyday. but i also don’t want my panty line showing all the time since my pants are usually tight.

to be honest I’ve thought about wearing none lol but i don’t think the fabric is thick enough to hide my girl from all the germs that are left on the seat :/

After many hard years (like my whole life), my mom told me today that she'll no longer be filling the mother role for me. We were in therapy together, but she has now yelled at the therapist so I don't think she's going back.

Lil snacky snack of chocolate coated peanuts and whole milk.

She hasn't seen her only grandchild in 6 months, we'll see if she meets our baby on the way. ​​She said we can rebuild our relationship as friends, but she's not the kind of friendship I would like to maintain. So eh

Edit to add: Thank you everyone, for responding with your stories, reassurances, commiserations, and motherly love. It is a hard situation to not have an emotionally stable and reliable mom. My heart goes out to everyone experiencing something similar, and I hope you can find a mother figure in your life.

I'm sure I'll make mistakes parenting my children, but my goal is to be open, stable, and ready to repair. And to cultivate a peaceful and loving household. We don't yell in our house and are quick to apologize, so we're on our way.

I love the book recommendations as well. Keep them coming!